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A continued look at “discipline” in the SEC, Part II

December 3, 2009

Yesterday we linked to THE FLORIDA’s news of Carlos Dunlap’s DUI arrest and subsequent Championship suspension, the WRAS photo and our “interview question” with the SEC West coaches. Today we’ll pose the same question to the SEC East coaches* for your reading pleasure.

USC Coach Steve Spurrier

SS: “We have to change our ways, that’s a positive. Hopefully we won’t put a performance like this on again. Even though the police are out there doing their jobs, we should have been smarter. A phone call here or there may have helped us avoid this, but we got burned.”

Joe Auburn: “So that is a definite you’ll suspend him?”

SS: “You know what, you’re from Auburn. Why aren’t you reporting on your library burning down instead? You know, the tragedy of losing the 2 or 3 books that hadn’t been colored in yet. Next question.”

Kentucky Coach Rich Brooks

RB: “If you look at the plays he has made in the big games, he was instrumental in the success we’ve had and done it in a first class manner on and off the field.”

Joe Auburn: “Coach, that sounds like you’re going to let him play Saturday.”

RB: “I’m not discussing that. No way. No comment. Do you realize my replacement’s name is ‘Joker’? Besides, as long as he was drunk on Kentucky bourbon and supports the basketball team, who cares?”

Vanderbilt Coach Bobby Johnson:

BJ: ““I’m not coaching and trying to win to keep my job. I coach for my players and my coaches and for the fans to have success. Someone is going to have success at Vanderbilt. I hope it’s me and this staff. This staff has worked extremely hard. But if it’s not, I don’t coach out of fear of losing my job.”

Joe Auburn: *glancing around the room and realizing I am alone* “So coach, what does that mean in relation to suspending your player for Saturday?”

BJ: “We’re trying to give all the moral support we can. Honestly this is a joke. Vanderbilt in the SEC Championship game?!”

Georgia Coach Mark Richt

MR: “We’re just shooting ourselves in the foot again. Whatever the reason is for that, I don’t know.”

Joe Auburn: “Then you’ll definitely suspend him?”

MR: “I don’t know how important it is if they are loud and jumping around. I think it is more important if they play hard and they play disciplined, and they have done that for the most part this season.”

Joe Auburn: “Um, Coach the question wasn’t about doing the Soul-ja Boy dance, it was about whether or not your going to suspend your player for the game on Saturday.”

MR: “The Black Out was fun.”

Joe Auburn: “Okay Coach, so he plays?

MR: “Listen, have you ever even been to Athens? It is impossible to take a step in this town without walking into a bar. I think the temptation for a young man there is well, irresistable.”

Joe Auburn: “I’m guessing then the answer here is, ‘he plays Saturday.’ Thank you coach for not answering the question.”

MR: “It wasn’t as relaxing of a time as I would like. I hate it when a guy misbehaves. I hate when my own child misbehaves. The bottom line is we’re dealing with kids and we’re dealing with human beings, and they are going to make mistakes. That’s inevitable.”

Joe Auburn: “Um, okay coach. Got it.”

MR: “Last word.”

Tennessee Coach Lane Kiffin [edited heavily due to the volume of sound bites garnered during the interview]

LK: “People don’t understand how hard it is to do what he’s doing. He’s like a movie star in L.A. He’s done a fabulous job dealing with the attention. Most 22-year-old kids could never handle what he has to experience.”

Joe Auburn: “Sounds like he’ll play Saturday?”

LK: “I said when I got here I was really looking forward to embracing the great traditions at the University of Tennessee. In addition to Vol Walk, running through the T, singing Rocky Top all night long, I think you have to add that our players are bad-ass with their shirts off, drink heavily and yes, they get arrested sometimes”.

Joe Auburn: “Actually coach, you said originally ‘after you beat Florida next year’ and that there hadn’t been any arrests in your 11 months on the job. Which obviously was before the attempted armed robbery. So is your position now that we should expect to see more UT players arrested for this type of thing?”

LK: *first changes shirts from a black pullover to an UT orange hoodie* “I meant after we beat Florida at home and those players haven’t been arrested in the state of Montana.”

Joe Auburn: “So coach, yes or no: the player gets suspended.”

LK: “DAD?! I thought I hired you to run the defense around here?!” *gets on a tricycle and peddles out of the interview room*

THE FLORIDA Coach Urban Meyer

UM: “First of all, I’m not answering any questions about my next job at Notre Dame.”

Joe Auburn: “So what does happen to Carlos?” *you can’t make this stuff up, I swear*

Used without permission of WRAS


*This was purely for entertainment purposes only. I have about as much chance of interviewing coaches as I do of making Auburn’s roster next fall


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